Goodbye Kiss

My only question was- are you planning to get married or not? Finally he told me he would. From the day he said he wanted to get married, I became restless and nerve wrecked. It was too much pressure on me. I never asked him to not get married. I knew I have to respect his decision. It is unfair to be selfish in love. All I asked him was, why did he not take this decision few years ago before we met for which, I never got an answer. I quickly made my own selfish plan and was waiting for the day to accomplish.


After few days he came to see me while attending his friend's wedding in Chennai. It was already decided we will not bring up the subject of his marriage during this visit. From the moment I saw him coming towards me, my eyes saw nothing but him. He was his usual- funny and joyful self, teasing me and cracking jokes. I wanted to enjoy every second with him. I wanted to see him smile as much as possible. I wanted to hear him talk and talk forever and watched his face without blinking as he spoke. I wish I had the power to remember every second I spent with him that I could rejoice forever. I found every way to spend more time with him- deciding on the restaurant, taking the longest route to reach, deciding on the table, taking a long time to order and then ordering them one after another and every other silly reasons. Still time flew. He is always sweet and courteous towards everyone and that day I found him even more charming and captivating than ever. I loved the way he talked politely and his manners would define humanity. He has profound knowledge on every subject but I thought he still lacked the power to read what I had in my mind that day. I had always thought how lucky I'm to meet this perfect person in my life. But immediately I used to  'touch wood' so that this joy lasts forever. I then realized that the old touch wood trick did not work and knew my happiness is coming to an end. 


During the entire time I spent with him that day, I had to fight tears and emotions and act normal. Nevertheless the pain was worth it. I saw him smile, laugh and when he had his arms around my shoulder I felt I was in heaven. I did not want to spoil that moment with some thoughts that would spoil his happiness. He said he felt very happy for the time we spent together. I saw his happiest face that day. While we were walking along a deserted stretch of road, he wanted to kiss me. He was bold as ever. I did not agree as it was public, instead I asked him if he could spend the night with me in a hotel. I wanted to make and see him happy in every possible way that day. He said he has to leave that evening and cannot stay.


Its been few hours with him and I had started to look into my watch frantically realizing that the moment is coming to an end. He sensed how often I was looking at my watch and asked do I have another appointment with someone. My eyes filled with tears and he started consoling me that it was just a joke without knowing the real reason. I did not say that this would be the last few minutes I would spend with him forever and how painful it was while the clock ticks away every second of it. Few minutes before he left, we were holding hands and spoke nothing. Our hearts spoke just in silence. He left soon after that. 


Seeing him walk away was the most painful of all. As he walked away, he turned back after few steps and waved me bye and smiled. He was gesturing me to leave too. I did not. I watched him walk every step away from me. With a heart as heavy as a mountain and tears rolling down my eyes like a river, I watched him vanish in the crowd. 
I knew I'm never going to see him again. 


All along, I knew it was my last day with him but he didn't. All went by my plan. I got what I wanted- to see his happy face one last day. But there was a punishment for being so selfish and not letting him know what I'm taking with me. I missed his good bye kiss.