List

Though he was the latest in my to-meet list, he was already topping it. He was on fast-track I guess. Usually it takes a long time from the first conversation to the day I meet them in person. Been the trend for years now. But for some reason, I was totally impressed by him and agreed to meet him immediately. It could be because of various reasons- he is irresistibly handsome; married; has a kid; well read; believer in love; too flirtatious; flatters me a lot; a lot more and am desperate. The deadly combination.

We had a long chat over the messenger today, discussion on books- and how an illiterate I am; on chocolates, beaches, vacation, kids, marriage, fashion, perfume, travel and Chennai. Even though, if I had known him to be with none among my fantasized combination, I realized just this conversation would have made me very comfortable with him. He said he could feel some kind of connection between us and that he is thrilled. He said, it might be too early to propose but he felt like doing it... He said I'm special. I did not know how to respond. I thought I was not able to feel the same way because I was not normal enough to feel emotions anymore. I thought maybe I should seriously consider others feelings before rejecting them outright. Finally when he asked me how I felt, I could respond him with no more than a 'smiley'. He asked me not be shy and say it by words. I again responded with a smiley. Smiley are my way of saying 'I don't know' and he took it as my shy way of agreement with him. He said he liked my shyness and my smileys. He said we should meet tomorrow. I agreed. I asked if we can exchange numbers so that it will be easy to spot each other tomorrow. He responded saying he has 'photographic' memory and can find me easily at the venue. 

It was late in the night already and he said its time to hit bed and logged off. Though not excited at all about meeting him, secretly I was curious. I was feeling a bit guilty for not being too open about how I felt for him- about my numbness for emotions. I thought I have agreed to meet him out of rush and I know I still have my reservations in having a relationship with a married man. 

Not able to sleep I was browsing the internet and after few hours, I saw him online again. I thought I will open up.

Me: Hi... not slept yet?

Him: no

Me: so... had dinner?

Him: Sorry- I'm not sure who you are?

Me: ok... we had a chat for few hours today.. we decided to meet tomorrow @....  (place)

Him: hhmm... I had a chat with few today... can I now your name?

Me: :)

Him: s

Me: :)

I understood he had a bigger 'to-meet' list than mine that can't be remembered, and am not even present in the added contact list of his messenger, or maybe got deleted after the conversation :)

I remember him saying he could spend only two hours maximum with me. I know why now. Needs talent to hold a time-pass conversation like that, with many simultaneously and proposing a meeting at the same place.  

He should be one busy guy tomorrow. But will have at least two hours of free time with no company in the evening. 

I logged off.