It was the train, again. I think there is something to it.
I was returning home and he was already there when I boarded.. Though I have told him very strictly that there is not going to be any physical relation between us, I thought it will be too impolite to not even say hi.. I sat next to him. It was a super fast train with lesser stops on signals and I know I would reach my station pretty soon. That was a relief. He didn't talk much. He tried holding my hands and I did not resist. I did try resisting initially but really not too hard. I did not want to make a scene. I thought it was just a couple of minutes more. My station came and I got down at the station. So did he.
We were on the platform. He held my hand so hard that it ached. He made me stand next to him and let me not move. The train moved away and the station was deserted and dark. He grabbed by my hips roughly and pushed me against the sign board. He was a bit heavy to resist and very strong. I could feel all his strength come upon me. His big palms grabbing my neck, his lips locked mine. For a moment, I felt I was breathless and soon I might faint. He loosened a bit but his sharp teeth fed my lips. It was bleeding. I pushed him and tried to break free and then he went with his next move. His lips moved a bit lower and targeted my neck. I knew the hickeys are going to be pretty bad. As passionate as it could get, I realized I was no longer on my feet. His lips had already moved way down. I was in air, pushed against the wall and balanced on his hips. He almost tore my shirt and I realized it was just not worth. I know it was hopeless fighting and I unbuttoned it myself.
The next train was there after about fifteen minutes and I felt it took eternity. Finally, I broke free. His smile revealed his satisfaction. His conquer over me. Though I wanted to scream at him for being such an animal, I didn't. I turned around and started walking home. I realized it was not that bad. I had no consent to anything that happened this evening, yet I did not regret. The scent on my body from the droplets of his forehead sweat, the taste of the blood from the bruise on my lips, the tiny marks on my body by his teeth, the pain when he took control and the little dizziness on my head by rush of the adrenaline- all meant something, a really raw passion.
I was returning home and he was already there when I boarded.. Though I have told him very strictly that there is not going to be any physical relation between us, I thought it will be too impolite to not even say hi.. I sat next to him. It was a super fast train with lesser stops on signals and I know I would reach my station pretty soon. That was a relief. He didn't talk much. He tried holding my hands and I did not resist. I did try resisting initially but really not too hard. I did not want to make a scene. I thought it was just a couple of minutes more. My station came and I got down at the station. So did he.
We were on the platform. He held my hand so hard that it ached. He made me stand next to him and let me not move. The train moved away and the station was deserted and dark. He grabbed by my hips roughly and pushed me against the sign board. He was a bit heavy to resist and very strong. I could feel all his strength come upon me. His big palms grabbing my neck, his lips locked mine. For a moment, I felt I was breathless and soon I might faint. He loosened a bit but his sharp teeth fed my lips. It was bleeding. I pushed him and tried to break free and then he went with his next move. His lips moved a bit lower and targeted my neck. I knew the hickeys are going to be pretty bad. As passionate as it could get, I realized I was no longer on my feet. His lips had already moved way down. I was in air, pushed against the wall and balanced on his hips. He almost tore my shirt and I realized it was just not worth. I know it was hopeless fighting and I unbuttoned it myself. The next train was there after about fifteen minutes and I felt it took eternity. Finally, I broke free. His smile revealed his satisfaction. His conquer over me. Though I wanted to scream at him for being such an animal, I didn't. I turned around and started walking home. I realized it was not that bad. I had no consent to anything that happened this evening, yet I did not regret. The scent on my body from the droplets of his forehead sweat, the taste of the blood from the bruise on my lips, the tiny marks on my body by his teeth, the pain when he took control and the little dizziness on my head by rush of the adrenaline- all meant something, a really raw passion.
I came home and the first thing I saw were those evil marks on my body, all over. Hickeys. My neck was reddish dark and it looked like one battered cricket pitch after a rough game. I knew my mom will notice these in no second when she serves dinner. I wore a jacket, pulled up the collar. After coming back to my room, I rubbed them with vaseline and cream. It was already half hour, yet no use. I was not sure what I would tell those at work. I've no clue. Lets see who dares to ask.
I just know what else will follow. I just hope he is over it. I feel terrible for what I have done. But there is really not much I did. Maybe I should convince myself like that. Another long night follows.
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