Neeya Naana

It has been a long time since I had the courage to watch a tv program discussing about marriage. It was Neeya Naana in Vijay TV and the topic was why do boys prefer 'city girls' to 'village girls' when it came to choosing their partner in marriage. At the risk of being said "look, what's wrong with all these boys deciding to get married in the first place. are they not humans? are you the only one trying to enjoy your life" and all that, I sat down to watch the program with mom and dad.

The show had two teams- one boys- who argued that 'city girls' are intolerant, arrogant, loose in their character and they take 'everything' easy, and - the girls team- which counter argued with just the one sentence- men want to dominate women. I felt the girls could have just said- so what if I'm arrogant, intolerant and 'easy' going- what's wrong. If you find fault- its just not about girls- its about the morality of people as a whole. And confining this to only 'city girls' was the most obnoxious thing. They could have argued better. The guests who came for the show did mention those and at least the point got driven to the boys group.

But the show at home was much interesting- sadly I had no guests at home to drive any sensible point. My mom started commenting that girls these days are really not good. They wear tight t-shirts and jeans-showing off everything in their body. She blamed that the IT culture in this country is getting worse. Roaming around with boyfriends and coming home late has become trend a bad thing for the 'Indian Culture'. She even went to the extent of saying- if these are being allowed- a time will come when identifying a child's father will become difficult. My father had his own point- all this is because letting women work and earn. They become arrogant and they cannot live in a joint family. Latter they both started abusing those guests on the show as well calling them- 'potta pasanga' and they all would have given birth to daughters and would have become rich by making them sleep with men. 

Initially I told them- generalization like that will not help. Not everyone is like that. And what if a girl wears tight clothes? My mom asked me doesn't that look vulgar. Honestly, to me it did not. I asked her, when boys can wear underwear and roam around the streets why these rules applied to girls. Are they not equal human beings? But I had to admit, even if a guy shows his thighs and walks on the road- I get turned on. I can understand what mom is telling on a heterosexual point of view. But I will not go and grope the guy because he is showing off. Right? Maybe not me. But I know some friends who have said- they can kidnap those cute boys and take them home. And one of them has actually done it- luring a young guy -without even knowing whether he is gay or not and getting 'things' done. Maybe it turns some people crazy. But that's not a majority right? People in general are good and not perverted all the time. Isn't it? I cannot agree with my mother. And my father definitely- No. I wonder will they have the same stand if they had daughters. Will they not allow her to work in IT or wear jean and t-shirt and have boyfriends or allow her to come home late from work. What if they were poor and the girl would need to work in a call-center. Would they have hated it?

I felt I was born in a family like a hundred years backward. I was so glad that I'm not getting married. It would have been hell for any daughter-in-law in our family. I wish my brother realizes and would live separately after his marriage.

 

I felt sorry for my parent's backward thinking. It was painful. Yet, I could not talk much. I know what I will hear back. I was totally convinced, I can never come-out to my parents. It felt it doesn't make a difference to come out to people who cannot even understand these simple facts on culture, equality and freedom- leave alone alternate sexuality. All they might think is- my son is a 'potta'. He want's to have sex with a man. Nothing more. 

My mom switched channel to TTD. Her daily ritual of praying God- onscreen before going to bed. This time I prayed too. Give them peace and let this be my last Janma- with them- as well.