Sometimes life is just so funny. Consider this thought- I have so many friends now: all just a call away, my parents are just across the street and.. still, I feel they are so far away. I'm feeling so lonely. At these moments, there is just one voice that resonates- my moms: "all am worried about is how will you be handling things alone". Today I feel it is so true. Even if I had a partner, it really is not certain we will live together.. so it is not about having a partner. Its just the thought of having no one with you- now. And talking about partner, that is one depressing thought in itself- omg, where the hell is he, if at all he is ever existing? I wish God just gave me one simple clue- or an answer to that question. To make things simple and find a companion, here is a weird parallel thought. Can I just marry a girl and have a kid and lead 'some' life? Maybe we can adopt a kid, maybe I can just tell the girl about myself and we can live our lives separately. Maybe we can just be good friends.. I don't select gender for friends- do I? But, hey remember, she is gonna be just your friend. Will she be ok just that? Don't people have desires and expectations? Above all, what do I need- am I ok with just companionship? Don't i need a shoulder to lean on? It can't be her. I need a man. I'm still sexually active. Oh crap. I can't imagine I'm even thinking about this... ha ha, bloody ha. How funny is this ;)
It is hard to realize and accept that there is no perfect cure for loneliness and to even know the cause sometimes. These days, my heart is just light.. it doesn't get heavy with love. It is just plain simple and uncomplicated in many ways- that I always wished for. Yes, sometimes, it just feels lonely. What do I do? I keep staring at the FB and PR pages- no new stories or messages. God, am bordering on getting addicted, obsessed and desperate :) or have I already? Let me start with some hobbies and keep myself engaged..
but can it all substitute love?
but can it all substitute love?
I'm not going to be pulled down by this thought, today is a new year day.. let me make some resolutions and see if I can keep them up. I need to cook some dish today evening.. I read a couple of recipes on the internet.. Maybe I will ask my mother.. but not before I take a quick nap. Wishing myself a very happy and cheerful new year.. keep smiling sweet little heart.. you have a great journey ahead :)
and, here is video i saw today that made me cry- right on the first day of the year.. damn.
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