He made a fist with his left hand, twisted his wrist, gently punched it against his right palm. He did the cycle with his right hand, kept repeating it and walked past my desk in his usual carefree style. I was staring at him as he walked away and suddenly as if called by some intuition he turned back and saw me stare. Yet another day I was caught red-handed. I turned back and started writing this.
I knew him for a good period of time now. A shy guy whom I heard is very good at his work, clam and soft spoken. Intelligent yet level headed he is admired for being professional and cool. Everyone says those who work under him are very lucky to have got an excellent manager. I too wish I have worked under him. Literally :P
He is not my type of guy. Fair, sophisticated, soft spoken and elegant. He has a totally hairless body and is so defined and shaped that defies his age. Definitely not my type. Maybe its because I so want to be like that and jealous. However every time I see him, I could definitely see my heart race faster. It is just his charm that attracts me. He is one of those guys where my fantasy does not get restricted with just being in bed. It starts with the moment of proposal, marriage and growing old and aging.
He arrives after half hour I usally arrive office and everyday I look forward the moment he would breeze past me- my desk. This is a daily ritual and so woven and twined in my otherwise boring office life. There had been only very few occasions I had conversations with him and they were very brief. Usually an easy going jolly person, he seemed reserved to me. Though there were moments he had to interact with me, he will try to avoid it as much as possible. Maybe he wants to get things done without the help of anyone. Or maybe he is not comfortable with me. Once I had the opportunity to work him (no, not under yet :P) and I could not stop staring at him. I had to find reasons to get out of the project as I was not contributing anything productive than getting my mind filled with his thoughts and staring at him in meetings. Over a period of time, he had also noticed my very strange stare and attention to him and he used to respond with a cold walk as if saying- stop it please. I will immediately turn away. But have never stopped. During the initial days it all felt strange, the stare, the cold response and all that. Eventually it became a routine and we just got used to it.
Few days back I heard he has resigned and is moving out in another couple of days. He was not in his seat and was not present in office. The whole day I kept staring at his place- now and then- and it felt as if am gonna miss something huge. A day latter when he returned, I just could not stop but feel how much I will miss him when he is no longer there.
I noticed he has become more casual and happy as he is in his last few days with the organization. I just don't know if I would ever know his last day working day or will he be including me in the final adieu mail he would send everyone. I was curious to know what he would have thought about me during all these days. A jerk? Even if it is bad, I would want to know.
I never had or will have the courage to go and have a casual conversation with him. I will not even be able to say goodbye to him on his last day.
Realizing my desires for him, I feel scared. What if all my desires and wishes for him are not fulfilled in this birth- which is for sure, and God decides to give me second chance and curse me with another birth.
I'm not sure on how far I have control over those re-birth stuff. But I'm sure I can bury all my desires and wish for nothing- hoping it will prevent it. But, if God will decide on fulfilling my desire in my next birth, getting married to him and live life king (err.. queen) size, why would I be a fool to not accept that. Now am I desiring for a next birth to have all those unfulfilled wishes? That's so not me..
Well, too much dreaming for a day :)
I knew him for a good period of time now. A shy guy whom I heard is very good at his work, clam and soft spoken. Intelligent yet level headed he is admired for being professional and cool. Everyone says those who work under him are very lucky to have got an excellent manager. I too wish I have worked under him. Literally :P
He is not my type of guy. Fair, sophisticated, soft spoken and elegant. He has a totally hairless body and is so defined and shaped that defies his age. Definitely not my type. Maybe its because I so want to be like that and jealous. However every time I see him, I could definitely see my heart race faster. It is just his charm that attracts me. He is one of those guys where my fantasy does not get restricted with just being in bed. It starts with the moment of proposal, marriage and growing old and aging.
He arrives after half hour I usally arrive office and everyday I look forward the moment he would breeze past me- my desk. This is a daily ritual and so woven and twined in my otherwise boring office life. There had been only very few occasions I had conversations with him and they were very brief. Usually an easy going jolly person, he seemed reserved to me. Though there were moments he had to interact with me, he will try to avoid it as much as possible. Maybe he wants to get things done without the help of anyone. Or maybe he is not comfortable with me. Once I had the opportunity to work him (no, not under yet :P) and I could not stop staring at him. I had to find reasons to get out of the project as I was not contributing anything productive than getting my mind filled with his thoughts and staring at him in meetings. Over a period of time, he had also noticed my very strange stare and attention to him and he used to respond with a cold walk as if saying- stop it please. I will immediately turn away. But have never stopped. During the initial days it all felt strange, the stare, the cold response and all that. Eventually it became a routine and we just got used to it.
Few days back I heard he has resigned and is moving out in another couple of days. He was not in his seat and was not present in office. The whole day I kept staring at his place- now and then- and it felt as if am gonna miss something huge. A day latter when he returned, I just could not stop but feel how much I will miss him when he is no longer there.
I noticed he has become more casual and happy as he is in his last few days with the organization. I just don't know if I would ever know his last day working day or will he be including me in the final adieu mail he would send everyone. I was curious to know what he would have thought about me during all these days. A jerk? Even if it is bad, I would want to know.
I never had or will have the courage to go and have a casual conversation with him. I will not even be able to say goodbye to him on his last day.
Realizing my desires for him, I feel scared. What if all my desires and wishes for him are not fulfilled in this birth- which is for sure, and God decides to give me second chance and curse me with another birth.
I'm not sure on how far I have control over those re-birth stuff. But I'm sure I can bury all my desires and wish for nothing- hoping it will prevent it. But, if God will decide on fulfilling my desire in my next birth, getting married to him and live life king (err.. queen) size, why would I be a fool to not accept that. Now am I desiring for a next birth to have all those unfulfilled wishes? That's so not me..
Well, too much dreaming for a day :)
No comments:
Post a Comment