A 'To-Meet' Month

April is not that hectic this time. Work is not heavy, weekends are free and I am totally bored. I made a point, this month, I will complete all the things I was planning to-do. The top most in the to-do list is the 'To-Meet' task with list of those friends I've made all these years and never met even once or a long time.

First on the list was Mr. Crazy Lover Boy and his John Abraham boy friend. If I could just sum up my feelings after the meeting- I felt really good for them but at the same time, I started to have a feeling that- I was never in love nor do I even know the real meaning of it. Maybe its been so long ago I had experienced someone love me, it felt a bit alien to realize what is love and it felt extraordinary. Maybe theirs is the one everyone calls divine love. Whatever I saw between those guys, I wish it remains forever. 

Second I met is a friend whom I used to chat with for years now and have not met him, though he lives only a kilometer away from my home. A nice good looking guy, married and has a small kid. Its summer time and his wife and the kid are away to their grandparents home for vacation. So I made a comfortable visit to his place. Though he talks nice over the phone and chats, he was found to be not much of a talker in person. From the moment I entered his home all his attention was to get laid. Finally, we made out. After few moments, I thought its time to leave. The guy realized he has not reached climax yet and insisted I give him company even if am not totally interested in participation. I obliged. Since his family would be away for following few weeks, we decided to meet often, and we did. And each time we did the same thing again and again. 

Usually at these moments of non-participation and yet, to be present and supportive due to obligation, I would feel irritated and would cease to have a relationship with the guy. But for some reason, I kept going... I thought I liked casual sex. I thought I have gone few years back in my life where- making love was mere union of bodies and no emotions felt whatsoever. 

Next on the 'to-meet' list, someone I met in chat before few years and been in touch over the phone and chat, and whom I'm very comfortable with. I met him this evening at a coffee shop and he had come along with his friend. He is nearing forty yet was strikingly handsome and sexy. He is well read, jovial, and great in conversations. When I heard he is having dates every other day, I thought no wonder. On a side note, I realized the coffee shop had the best chocolate truffle and am planning to visit there as often I can.

Primarily in all my conversation with him till date, all he could talk about was sex and in particular b-jobs. He thinks he is the man born to rule the world with his charm and tool. Self confident. By his looks and latter seeing him in action, I thought he is worth to be proud about it and he actually should and can be over-confident by standards. 

We went to his apartment and started making out. I realized he is a great kisser and could easily say he is the best. He said we should do more. He is a dominant person in bed and very active. His greatest fantasy is to get b-js from boys kicked in and insisted. Of course, he has great ideas that makes them interesting too without making one feel- used. 

When I said he needs a condom for the b-j he laughed aloud and asked me if that was a joke. I explained bare ones are only for my 'special man'. He then said, then we should have real sex and asked- have I ever been penetrated. When I answered that in negative too, he smiled and sat up. He looked in my eyes closely for a couple of minutes without blinking, held my face and said, 'you never had sex all your life'. 

He held my head to his chest and I lay there for a while. To lighten the moment, he asked me about my encounters in sex and my experiences and fantasies. After hearing them all, he made jokes out of them that made me laugh and think. He said it is too late to even think about whether to have or not have sex and the 'opportunity' to break the spell was right there in front of me. He has his own charm of getting things done. After the initial resistance I tried. But I could not go further. 

I was on his chest again, thinking blank. As I kept fiddling with the hair on his chest feeling his warmth, he whispered in my ears that I had the best body and mind in business that neither should be ruined by casual sex nor be preserved unused. I smiled. He held me tight and kissed on my forehead. We knew its time to leave. 

With a body and mind that felt like floating in thin air, I walked back home, wondering how simple have I been with needs and expectations in love and sex. And how easier my life is becoming now, with even much simpler expectation and needs than it was before. 
Perfectly satisfied in its own way-maybe not by definition, but as I know and want it.